Seaweed Burger with Fried Cabbage and Mushrom mix and a Tahini and Miso gravy.

One morning, after more than enough beers the night before, a vegan woke up with a bacon craving. This is the story of what happened next…

First I scrubbed, chopped and boiled some potatoes. It’s tempting to dice them into small pieces so that they cook extra quickly, but this means that they get a bit watery, so have a bit of patience and make them Aunt Bessy sized. If you’re making this, have a beer while you’re waiting for them to cook– the cheap Caribbean kind is best for breakfast.  Finish your beer as the skin on the potatoes starts to detach itself from the flesh and then drain them well. Mash them up without adding any extra liquid. If you’re making this in a state like me, then some extra liquid to yourself, liquid of the watery kind. Some fruit juice too. One hair of the dog is just right: any more and you’re just delaying the inevitable.

While this was happening I soaked some dried mushrooms and fried some finely diced onion until it was soft and browning then added a load of garlic. In the same water as the mushrooms I soaked some dulce and cut them up roughly with scissors, then heated up the whole lot and when it came to the boil added some TVP. The right amount is the amount that soaks up pretty much all the water after a few minutes. Next I threw in a lot of nutritional yeast and then mixed the whole lot up with the potatoes. Knead in a bit of flour, and that’s a dough/burger mix.

Then I really had some fun: I covered a plate in flour and made patties in my hands before covering them in a coating of flour and piling them up. After so much effort it was a satisfying moment to see a pile of burgers, uniform in size, and begging to be fried.

While they fried in much more vegetable oil than I would normally use, I finely chopped up some savoy cabbage, mushrooms, garlic, ginger and a little fresh chilly and stir fried that in toasted sesame oil. At the end I added a significant amount of honey and tamari, which bubbled up satisfyingly.

To make the gravy I poured some boiling water in to the a jar of light tahini which had just a few spoonfuls left, then stirred in some miso. Lazy gravy. Nutrient packed gravy. Tasty gravy.

So! After patting the burgers with kitchen towel I served them up with the veg and sauce.

Because they were so labour intensive to make I made a batch and froze some. These were cooked by spraying with oil and grilling, and the freezing melded the flavours and made them much more mellow and with a more consistent texture. They reminded me of fish cakes. If you’d prefer a bit of bite then keep decent chunks of mushroom and seaweed.

Much. Much. Better. Than. A. Bacon. Sarnie.